Cyber Real

welcome to our home

4th Amanda Salina

2nd Amalin Sofia
3rd Adani Syuhada

1st Arisya Syafiqa

until then

will be meeting again with Baby No. 5
insya Allah

Iftar with Family.. and Lemon Dusk is..

"Maklang, blog Lemon Dusk tu dah tak de ke?"
out of a sudden I was asked by my nephew.

We were just relaxing after the iftar together with my elder sister's family.

Almost everybody of my sister's 9 children were there, including those married - their spouses and children.. except for Nana who is now studying in Terengganu and Ayu who attended iftar with her friend.

err I answered my nephew almost immediate by briefly explaining what had happened to Lemon Dusk.

Well, I found myself listening with great interest my very own conversation between my nephew and me about this very simple approach blogging of mine - Lemon Dusk. Anyway, there are 3 other blogs that from time to time I wrote in but Lemon Dusk was abandoned quite abruptly few months back.

hmmmmm.. why not eh?
Lemon Dusk.. is now reactivated.

Sun Rise.. Sun Set..

*

err why is this sudden craze mania of the sun that rises?

*

*

Of late.. since the past few months.. I had not been driving myself to and fro work. Daily.. my husband would be sending and fetching me and the timing could be very regimented.

It came to a realization.

I had lost my autonomy of managing me and myself.

Either, my husband was being rushed or I were being rushed.
Either, my husband would have to wait a little bit longer or I would have to wait that long.

Neither my husband nor I am complaining but.. err but what, eh?


Lake Tahoe, California

Simply put, I like the serenity of the early morning drive.

I know.. I had been driving myself to work ever since I could remember.. 20 - 25 years? My days will always begin as early as 4-5 in the morning and I would be all geared up to hit the highway by 6. I love the morning coolness and the "environment" that welcomes me on each passing day.. each passing journey. Not to mention, the journey home, meeting the sun that sets.

This morning.. as I dropped off Boy No. 6 aka Boy Bongsu.. as he kissed my hand.. the warm memories sending my sons to school came rushing into me. I swallowed my tears.

Boy no. 2 as I dropped him at VIKL and TIKL later.
Boy no. 4 as I dropped him at SMK BTHO and SAAS.

This is what I have been missing for the past few months.


Las Vegas

Syahdu-Nya

via our e-mail loop.. i received the news.. a friend is of stage 2 liver cancer.

just exactly a week ago, i met her after that sweet 16/17 episodes of us.. so many years and years and years ago.

we hugged.. really hugged.. was a really tight hug almost gripping becoming one of two bodies. at that point in time.. i sort off - sense something was really amiss. no words came out.. none utterance what so ever.. none at all. just such a warm nice-to-meet-you eternal loving hug.

i just could not figure it out.

no tears.. no words.. just "i look at you".. "you look at me" and we smile a serenade smile with each other.. a smile right from the bottom of our heart.

i looked closely into her eyes.. she has this serene look.. full of clarity.. of herself and her life.

i really could not figure it out.. what is there she is trying to tell me.. or make me capture.

we just stood there.. hands in hands.. looking at each other.. physical closer inspection.. and just smile.

she looked contented yet something is amiss.

my heart goes for you.. dear friend.

and this.. was written by one of us.. and sent to everybody. it is meant especially for her.. that friend of us.

Syahdu Nya

untuk sebuah kenangan

pada sehelai kertas putih

bagai ada tinta yang mengukirkan ia

secebis demi sekerat

antologi di karang

mampu membangkitkan

sentuhan perasaan

yang datang berlumuran

bagaimana mahu diungkapkan

apa yang tersimpan di hati

jua tak mudah melafazkan

apa yang terbuku di kalbu

apa yang kau rasa

apa yang kami rasa

saat berlagu erti rindu

biarpun

rasa rindu

rasa kasih

rasa sayang

namun semua rasa itu

adalah rasa yang telah tertinggal dihati

namun ingatan tidak pernah mati

terukir abadi sebagai kenangan

namun masanya sampai jua

dalam keterpaksaan

salam perpisahan dihulurkan jua

andai esok tiada lagi gelak ketawa

kita tetap merindu dan dirindu

ingatlah disepanjang jalan kenangan ini

selagi ada hayat dikandung badan

jikalau kau ibarat bunga

jangan kau layu, wahai bungaku

biar semerbak wangi dijambangan pertiwi

kerana kau tumbuh dari semangat kami

akarmu tetap di sini

akan aku catatkan

pada helai-helai harinya

kaya dengan pengalaman yang matang

disimpan peringatan untuk pengajaran

kerana detik-detik yang mendatang

semuanya pendakian

yang akan mendewasakan

satu hari

satu masa

kita akan terus mengintai dari tirai waktu

sulaman demi sulaman kasih dan kenangan yang terpintal

ingatan nan abadi kekal

selamanya

Pemberian Kasih Sayang

Today.. I was looking for very important documents which I had not attended for so long and that I need to take serious actions now. It is serious because I would be "giving away" "pemberian kasih sayang" by my parents.. giving away - just like that!

err giving away = disita

pemberian kasih sayang = tanah seluas 6 plus 3 ekar

I need to give due attention to these pieces of land now.. at the very least.. as a mark of respect to my late father's passion.

My late father loved agriculture and when we were small we used to balik kampung to Lanchang, Pahang and Jelebu, Negeri Sembilan for bercucuk tanam.

err While looking for those documents.. I came across with lots of photos of my past.

Here.. my parents as they received "duit buapak" from the groom on my wedding day. Giving "duit buapak" is a Negeri Sembilan tradition. Though, we are not originally from Negeri Sembilan transcendence.. but we were married in Tampin, Negeri Sembilan.. thus we had to comply with "adat-istiadat" Negeri Sembilan.

Tampin.. 1983, December 09

Batu Gajah.. 1981

Test 111.. M & S

M & S..

M as in the initial of my husband's name..

S as in the initial of mine.. err one of the initials.

but these are M & S as in Marks and Spencer..

30.01.2009.. 02:19:47am.. I received one sms from girl no. 1:

"Magnolia for mum n woodspice 4 dad.. Love u guys"

err.. At that point in time I was like.. "minuman apa pulak ni?"

err Girl no. 1 is in the habit of bringing home food or drink every time she is late home from work.

She knew very well that I would still be up and about.

err These are some "best shots" of my further Test 111 Canon PowerShot A1000IS..

still in the process of familiarising with the technology in such digital camera.

different colour.. different effect.. and different blah blah blah of the camera

hmmmmm

Anyway.. coming back to M & S thing..

Yesterday morning.. girl no. 1 told me that.. as she saw those Magnolia bars and Woodspice liquid soap.. auto cruise she saw "ayah" and "emak".

he he he

I told her.. Freesia.. Magnolia and Cocoa Butter were my all time favourites of M & S when I was young and till boy no. 2. Then.. I switched brand because of the economical situation. As a matter of fact my undies was of M & S.. I told her.

"la.. patut le.. wei adik.. aku baby M & S le!" girl no. 1 shouted to boy no. 2 and her siblings.

2 Ends of RM

At one end.. I took these photos for a reason.. CHK is trying to make ends meet for herself and her 2 babies.

I was telling her about a vendor making good RM just selling these over at the office cafetaria.

I was telling her about the plastic cone packing.

CHK.. these are how they look like.

And on the other end.. I was into my usual mode of giving my best shot in what I do best.

This is life.. big is small.. small is big.

how big is big?

how small is small?

Seronoknyaaaaa..

setiap kali balik kampung..
seronoknya..
makan ramai-ramai dengan emak, adik-beradik, ipar-lamai, anak-anak dan cucu-cucu saudara.

port yang paling sesuai.. rumah adik perempuan no. 5..
tu dia..

Someone Somewhere Out There

A Wednesday of a fine cool morning.

As usual.. for the past few months since I no longer drive myself to work.. on most Wednesday morning.. I will be driving with Girl No. 3 to work. Upon reaching the office.. I will dropped myself off.. and auto cruise Girl No. 3 will take over and en-route to her college.

As she was in the car.. well.. at times.. I bear my choice of radio station and listened to her music instead.

There.. the DJ chirping up the morning hue with their up and about tone of voices. So clear in the air about them conversing with the audiences of the day that they had selected - Ann and Maidah.

Ann needed her BFF - Best Friend Forever.. Maidah.. to apologise to her over a dispute.

the Dispute?

Ann claimed Maidah to steal his ex-bf.

Maidah claimed she didn't steal her ex-bf but Ann was the one cheating on her then bf.

Ann got pissed off that her BFF is now dating her ex-bf.

Maidah put on all defensive mechanism she could think off.. justifying her actions.

blah blah blah.. blah blah..

It went on.. and on.. of course with the DJ moderating/controlling the air talk.

Well.. all ended well.. it seems. Ann and Maidah then apologised to each other.. thank you to the DJ of this "forced" made-up and lets hug situation.

Ann..

Ani..

Ani is my friend. I had known her since we were 7 years old. That was years and years ago.

Ani

adik Normah

arwah Emak

Ani was sweet 17

Last night I called Ani again. We kidded on our "fun".. err actually the "fun" I had earlier on pranked with Ani's husband - Zamri.

ha ha ha

Ani.. can be very-serious-no-nonsense-blah-lah-lu!

err the fun?

That was last Sunday.. I had spoken with Zamri. We were at a wedding reception of one of our bikers friend. Ani did not come along. She was not feeling up to it - On the Bike.. On the Ride.

Zamri was meng-adu-ing to me of Ani's "perangai" lately.

I sort of told him.. the last time a friend of mine "perangai" like that one ah.. 6 months later she was "selamat disemadikan".

err Zamri was taken aback by my not so sensitive remark and in his very slow almost swallowing tone.. he said:

"Janganlah cakap macam tu. Kesian dia."

he he he

The conversation between Zamri and me went on for a while.. talking about Ani's "perangai" of late. Zamri knew very well how close I am with his wife and that I am always the "shoulder" for Ani to cry on.. dulu.. kini dan selamanya.

ce wah!

perasan J O B O!

anyway..

Ani.. now

Ani.. then

Ani in actuality has not been feeling very well lately. As we spoked over the phone.. analysing the "fun" I pranked with Zamri.. though it was a good laugh we had.. our conversation went on to a serious note.

Ani told me that night she was awaken by Zamri's wet hand over her body. It seemed that Zamri had been weeping and wiping his tears with his hand.

Ani asked her husband.. what was the matter. err It turned out that what I had joked about earlier on that Sunday afternoon had caused a very emotional impact/stir on Zamri.

In all seriousness.. Ani and I.. we both discussed about her present health condition. She had one ovary removed few years back. The coughing and semput-ing are not good signs either.

The Moral of the Story?

9 January.. First but Not Last

I wore this kurung batik for the first time last 7 January 2010.

So what?

So what.. that we are to wear batik on those daily Thursdays?

err not that I dutifully abide by that directive.. not me!

Then.. what about this batik?

err it reminded me of that "batik" ek?

ala.. batik yang perasan blog dia tu glamour famous amous tu lah!

cet! lu jangan nak perasan J O B O lah weh!

What about this batik?

err hmmmmm.. this looks like a part of human body eh?

with sagging stomach?

Anyway.. seriously.. that very same Thursday I received one SMS. It came from a number I am very familiar of. Out of the sudden.. guilt built up in me. I had not been in contact with the owner for as long as I could remember.

The sms read:

"Salam, saya IA, anak sulung kpd Allahyarhamah AK ingin menjemput Tuan/Puan sekeluarga ke Majlis Perkahwinan adik saya AAH pd 24 Januari 2010 di KGPA, BK. Diharap Tuan/Puan dapat bersama-sama memeriahkan majlis. Terima kasih."

Auto cruise.. I felt a shiver.. guilty feeling worsening.. tears rolling down in my heart.

al-fatihah.. Kak A.

semoga roh Arwah Kak A ditempatkan dalam kalangan hamba-hambaNya yang beriman.

Immediately.. I responded to the sms.. definitely.. enquiring further of the day Kak A kembali ke rahmatullah.

"Salam. Mama meninggal dunia 9 jan 2009. Sabtu ni genap setahun."

Today.. it is 9 January 2010.

Here I am.. with the batik.. I remembered it well. The batik that both Arwah Kak A and I had likened very much. I gave in to her but she insisted I should have it.

That was in 2007 and only two months ago I had it sewn as a pair of kurung for me to wear on that Thursday as per directive.

Of all the Thursdays.. I had it worn for the first time.. only on that particular day.

On that very same day.. for the first time.. only that I knew Arwah Kak A is now resting in peace after years battling with cancer of the womb.

hmmmmm.. and only just now.. as I uploaded this image.. for the first time.. that I noticed it resemblance a part of the human body.

a sagging womb?

When we were at that Kota Baru venue.. Arwah Kak A and I were actually attending a compulsory course for our promotional. That was also the first time we met and got acquainted. We never knew each other prior to that.

Then.. Arwah Kak A was suddenly very sick and I voluntered to stay with her in her room. Arwah Kak A managed to complete the course in spite of her very fragile state of health.

terngiang ngiang di telinga.. kata-kata Arwah Kak A..

"nanti tiap kali "LD" pakai batik ni.. ingat kat Kak ya.. doa-doakan Akak ya?"

al-fatihah..

Y E S ! I Got It!

Finally.. but after almost finalising our this and that.. here and there at Alamanda Putrajaya the whole afternoon today.. I suddenly remember something.

Y E S = Year End Sale ?

nope!

Y E S = ya.. as in bahasa Melayu

oh YES! I sure got it.. here at..

he he he

You better be ready RR.. because I am going to read it soon!

Ryan & Raihana

oh.. Ryan & Raihana?

Kisah Cinta Dua Dunia?

Hah!

What so great about this RM20.00 novel that I am having it in my blog?

Oh why am I reading this novel?

why.. oh why?

Tell me why?

in the family reading queue.. as usual

(anak saya tanya.. kenapa mak beli novel ni?)

Well.. it all began with an online forum that I stumbled upon last June 2009.. of which I then became very active. Earlier on.. there is none of those forumers there that I knew of.. in real life.

Later.. one by one I came into contact with the forumer in person. We met up and then became very much in touch with each other.

Diamond Heart is among the first few forumers that I met.. together with Koklin, Seo and Patin. Seri Dewi Malam and Thanghathirai were the first two forumers I had met before the others.

My first met with Dimaond Heart was at a gathering at Koklin's home where we call it "Wild Party".. err having fun getting ourselves skillful with the Mary Kay make up consultant.

One day.. at the forum.. Diamond Heart aka Hati Berlian aka BMWX5 and so many other nicks.. the nicks we used to chameleon just for the fun of it.. suddenly drop the bomb shell.. she is writing a novel!

Oh.. I love writing and those who.. their work went into publishing.. wow! I salute you beb! Err I am always envious of writers who made it to the publishing house.

Tribute to you DH.. err Razzlina Rahman!

Congratulation!

May you be blessed with all the ilham from Allah Almighty.. and keep on writing and writing and the next one in our waiting.

p/s:

err I was actually thinking of writing the Award Day Outing with my children.. before hitting the highway - On the Bike.. On the Ride.. to Johor International Bike Meet.. but this deserve first writing.

Memory and Aidil Adha

arwah abah.. passed away in 1989, August 15th.
and
feizal.. our second child that arwah abah just loved to have him around.

"e che e che" arwah abah used to tease feizal.
e che is pencil.
feizal liked to write and played with the pencil of arwah abah.

feizal will always be on arwah abah's lap when arwah abah recited the Quran.
arwah abah loved to recite the Quran.. day and night.. especially.. in the wee hour of the morning.. never failing.

arwah abah passed away after years battling with prostate cancer.

and Aidil Adha becomes very significant to me.

why?

this was arwah abah 1st and last Aidil Adha with us.

arwah abah was dying in front of Kaabah.. as told by my mother.. and as arwah abah kissed Hajar Aswad.. arwah abah prayed to Allah Almighty to be able to bring my mother safely home and celebrate his Aidil Adha with the family.

arwah abah arrived to the family safely.
arwah abah celebrated Aidil Adha with us.

al-fatihah.

B L O O M